Whap and Crap


When discussing health issues with my patients, one of my favorite phrases is “This is God whapping you up the side of the head saying ‘pay attention!!'”

So, a few years ago, when I was REALLY fat, I dreamt about this little girl coming up to me in church and whapping me on the side of the head with an inflatable mallet…..in other words, God was telling ME to pay attention. So, with a Weight Watchers diet and lots of exercise, I lost 83 pounds.

I’m old. And arthritic…..and the exercise blew out my knees (could no longer do squats) and my back (restricted every movement). As my ability to exercise decreased, so did my weight start to creep back on.

It is a cause of constant consternation. When drug reps bring goodies to the office (rarely veggie platters or fruit plates; often cookies, candy, doughnuts….) I tell them to stop bringing that CRAP in here!

So I have had another dream. And I think I have discovered the ultimate appetite suppressant. I was performing a rectal exam on a patient, and in the process extracted potato chips. As I did the exam, pulling out chip after chip, I would set them to the side and she and I would both nibble on them.

Whap and Crap. Ok, I’m paying attention!