Jokes

Is that a chicken joke!!???

A city fellow had just moved out to the country and decided that he needed some animals, so he decided to walk up and down his road to see what his neighbors had. The first farm he came across had a bunch of chickens running in the yard. “Say farmer” the man yells, “Would you be willing to sell me one of your chickens?” The farmer replies, “Sure, but around here we don’t call ’em Continue reading

The miracle of technology

With all the new technology regarding fertility recently, a 65-year-old friend of mine was able to give birth. When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, I went to visit. ‘May I see the new baby?’ I asked ‘Not yet,’ She said ‘I’ll make coffee and we can visit for a while first.’ Thirty minutes had passed, and I asked, ‘May I see the new baby now?’ ‘No, not yet,’ She said. After Continue reading

Osama’s first day in heaven….

After dying a grisly death in a fire fight, Osama made his way to the pearly gates. There, he was greeted by George Washington. “How dare you attack the nation I helped conceive!” yelled Washington, slapping Osama in the face. Patrick Henry came up from behind, “You wanted to end the American’s liberty, so they gave you death!” Henry punched Osama in the nose. James Madison came next and said, “This is why I allowed Continue reading

A PC Joke

  An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, a German, a Yank, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Pole, a Canadian, a Frenchman, an Eskimo, a Lithuanian, a Swede, a Finn, an Israeli, a Romanian, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian and a South African went to a night club. The bouncer said, “Sorry, I Continue reading

A Panda

A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter dead. As the panda stands up to go, the manager shouts, “Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn’t pay for your sandwich!” The panda yells back at the manager, “Hey man, I’m a PANDA! Look it up!” The manager opens his dictionary and sees the Continue reading

No Huns, no writs….

Outside a small Macedonian village close to the border between Greece and strife-torn Yugoslavia, a lone Catholic nun keeps a quiet watch over a silent convent. She is the last caretaker of the site of significant historical developments spanning more than 2,000 years. When Sister Maria Cyrilla of the Order of the Perpetual Watch dies, the convent of St. Elias will be closed by the Eastern Orthodox Patriarch of Macedonia. However, that isn’t likely to Continue reading

Why are Fire Engines Always Red?

Because fire engines have four wheels and eight firefighters. 4 + 8 = 12 There are 12 inches in a ruler Queen Elizabeth is a ruler Queen Elizabeth is also a ship The ship sails the oceans The oceans are filled with fish The fish have fins The Finns fought the Russians The Russians are always red Fire engines are always rushin… So fire engines are always red.

Di Tri Berrese

Uans appona taim uas tri berrese; mamma berre, pappa berre, e beibi berre. Live inna contri nire foresta. Naise aus, no mugheggia. Uanna dei pappa, mamma, e beibi go bice, orie e furghetta locche di dorra. Bai enne bai commese Goldilocchese. Sci garra nattingha tu du batte meiche troble. Sci puscia olle fudde daon di maute; no live cromme. Den sci gos appesterrese enne slipse in olle beddse. Bai enne bai commese omme di tri Continue reading

(k)Not!

Three ropes walked into a bar, and one rope ordered a beer. The bartender responded by saying, “We don’t serve ropes in here!” The second rope asked for a beer, and the bartender repeated, “Didn’t you hear me? We don’t serve ropes in here!” The third rope disappeared for a moment, turned and twisted and tied himself, pulled out a few strings, fluffed them at the ends and returned to the bar in his disguise. Continue reading

The Pythagorean Theorem…..revised

There are three pregnant Indian women. The first reaches term, goes into her tepee, lies down on a bear hide, and gives birth to a son. The second woman also reaches term, goes into her tepee and lies on an antelope hide. She also has a son. The third is ready. She enters her tepee and lies on a hippopotamus hide. She gives birth to twin boys. This proves? That the sons of the squaw Continue reading

Three Men on a Mountain

There is a beautiful woman at the top of the mountain. Three men are also on the mountain. One is ascending.  One is descending. One is atop the mountain.  What are the nationalities of the three men? The one ascending is Russian. The one descending is Finnish. The one on top is Himalayan.

Encore!

submitted by DS…. So a C, an E-flat and a G walk into a bar. The bartender says, “sorry, but we don’t serve minors.” So E-flat leaves, and C and G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished and G is out flat. F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough. A D comes in and heads for the bathroom saying, “Excuse Continue reading